Here's Everything Wrong With Calzones

"For Sweden" (rallybeetle) 07/28/2016 at 11:40 • Filed to: None

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24

Too much bread

Hot melty cheese flowing everywhere, which is usually fine, unless you’re trying to eat it with one hand, which you are

Insufficient surface area for application of Parmesan.

Ash78, voting early and often > For Sweden 07/28/2016 at 11:44

2

The right amount of bread should cause holes to form in the top as it is cooked. The one in the pic is too bready. Is that a Hot Pocket?

Good mozzarella should be slightly rubbery, not too flowy. Let it cool a little.

Olive oil FTW.

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > For Sweden 07/28/2016 at 11:44

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so much hate. Calzones are delicious.

For Sweden > Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap 07/28/2016 at 11:44

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true, but they are not without fault

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > For Sweden 07/28/2016 at 11:45

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You can help balance the cheese and fix the tomato/parmesan lack with a dipping sauce and parmesan insert mod. The supplies are free at the dealer, but the install requires cutting the calzone open, so some chef experience helps.

Azrek > For Sweden 07/28/2016 at 11:46

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Why is there a Z and an S? Can’t it be two Ss or two Zs? When is something not made more awesome by adding more Zs to it?

CalzoneGolem > For Sweden 07/28/2016 at 11:46

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I’m pretty sure that’s an empanada.

For Sweden > CalzoneGolem 07/28/2016 at 11:47

5

EmpanadaGolem

For Sweden > Azrek 07/28/2016 at 11:48

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Because Z car

FSI - alcohol enthusiast with a car problem > For Sweden 07/28/2016 at 11:48

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Panzerotti or calzone?

CalzoneGolem > For Sweden 07/28/2016 at 11:49

1

JamaicanBeefPattyGolem

Azrek > For Sweden 07/28/2016 at 11:58

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So if Volvo made a S90Z you’d sell a kidney to get it?

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > For Sweden 07/28/2016 at 11:58

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For everything wrong with a Calzone, there is a pasty to make it right.

The Lurktastic Opponaught > CalzoneGolem 07/28/2016 at 12:05

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CornishPastyGolem?

No. Not that kind of pasty.

EL_ULY > For Sweden 07/28/2016 at 12:24

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On top of all that, Calzones in Spanish means underwear

EL_ULY > CalzoneGolem 07/28/2016 at 12:24

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All hail JamaicanBeefPattyGolem

Probenja > For Sweden 07/28/2016 at 12:46

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Here in South America they are called Emapnadas and you can basically buy one anywhere you go. And they fill them with whatever shit they can find.

Meatcoma > For Sweden 07/28/2016 at 13:15

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That’s what’s wrong with wherever you are getting calzones.

I’d suggest finding a place with better calzones.

Ash78, voting early and often > The Lurktastic Opponaught 07/28/2016 at 13:24

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Either one can cover boobies.

Ash78, voting early and often > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 07/28/2016 at 13:26

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Always start with an X-acto knife at the factory seam, then when you seal it back up, Automotive Goop or any of the Loctite glues should do the job. The kitchen can do it for a couple extra bucks and you won't void the warranty.

AfromanGTO > For Sweden 07/28/2016 at 13:33

1

The problem is that you haven’t had a calzone from Anthony’s Coal Fired Pizza.

So stop posting pictures of empanadas, and living up to the Swedish stereotype. :P

The Lurktastic Opponaught > Ash78, voting early and often 07/28/2016 at 13:58

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It's a fair point.

Shour, Aloof and Obnoxious > For Sweden 07/28/2016 at 14:01

1

NJAnon > For Sweden 07/28/2016 at 17:02

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That looks like a real small calzone. But yeah I agree the pain is real if you’re trying to handle it with one hand. :P

Svend > For Sweden 08/08/2016 at 15:36

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It’s when supermarkets do mini calzones that it’s gets me stir crazy.

It’s not a mini calzone, it’s a pasty, a pasty for f***s sake.